every.freaking.thing.will.be.alright.

I slept at 830PM last night. I cannot believe it. I thought I was tired but I didn’t know I was that tired.

I also thought that I had so many things to do with my time that I cannot afford to sleep so early. It seems like I was wasting time to sleep and not catching up on life. Then it hit me. There isn’t much in my life that needs me to stay up late anymore.

The good thing about working instead of studying is that I have no homework. When I leave my office, I don’t really take any homework with me. Unless I really want to spend my nights trying to come up with more ways to convince CEOs that they need to buy new cellphones for everyone in their office.

I need help. I need to be able to see my life in some other way before I feel like I am totally useless.

I told someone about my life plans today. That I am opening my café, my crazy artist café, and how I want to eventually start my own design line and make something. I don’t know what I want to make precisely, not tee shirts or bags. Maybe house wares like cups and plates and bottles and bowls. Maybe. I kinda felt relieved to be able to talk about it. I felt like at least I have something to look forward to. I felt like at least I am not someone without a goal or meaning for life.

And shopping. Holiday season just makes me want to buy stuff, for gifts or for myself. And I finally came to the conclusion tonight that shopping is not helping me to fill up that void in my head. I thought it does. Well, a new skirt won’t be able to talk to me or to give me help me out with my plans, would it? Sighz.

And froggy No.2 is sick. I made an appt with the vet. Ppl laugh at me when I tell them that I am bringing her to see a vet. At least I am taking some actions, that’s the least I can do. Some ppl don’t appreciate a frog’s life. They think I should let him die. They think it is too invaluable as to spend some money and effort on helping him. I detest that kinda thinking. Everyone’s life means something even though your freaking scientist tells you that they don’t have a brain to feel or think about anything. Well, scientists are not frogs. They don’t know. One can never fully understand someone else. NEVER. We are all different.

I am just soooo angry with everything now.