Letting It Out (Part II)

But I shall like to be grateful, for the good (and the bad) things that happened to me. I'm lucky to be alive and these things let me feel alive. They make me feel ever so vulnerable and so tiny. But isn't the whole world made out of all these tiny tiny little things that didn't really seem to matter?

In May, some of my closest friends flew across the globe and met me for a vacation. I had a great time. They made me laugh, made me feel lucky and made me feel loved (XOXO). I have to say I have little (if any) best girlie friends in LV who I would call for a last min shopping trip or a date for a manicure. During the trip, the bf also passed the ultimate girlfriend/shopping/patience test and so I knew he is a keeper.

But I seem to be a magnet for tragedy this year. And my brother has not called me as much as before because he felt like he is always the bearer of bad news. He called one very normal Saturday, right after I paid for my much-anticipated cup of selfserve yogurt topped with Ghiradeli chocolate fudge and sprinkles of mochi bits and strawberries. I didn't take a single bite. How could I when I learnt of the sudden deteoriation of my Puppy's health. He narrated to me the whole incident when he rushed her to the vet. "It happened exactly like dad's. It felt exactly like what happened a few months ago."

Retreating to the car, feeling completely useless and paralyzed from the news, the bf could only watch and try to grasp what's happening. Flood gates open once again. I felt really tired, really really exhausted and numb.

They arranged for her euthanasia a few days later. My little bro called me during the process to let me say my goodbyes. He said that it's almost time and he will call me back again. He said she is just lying on the vet's table. And then he said she opened her eyes for one last time and was gone.

Letting it out (Part I)

So it's the end of the year and time for the cheesey end-of-year reflection post. BTW, thanks for sticking by despite the lack of updates. Read on and you'll see why.

The year begun with a huge BANG. I was in Singapore and had an awesome beautiful night with my dearest family. We got a nice little room up in the skies of the Pan Pacific Hotel that provided us with a magnificent view of the fireworks display. Everyone of us together, to welcome a new year, with new hopes and celebrate my little pig brother's entry into adulthood. OMG! He was so much cuter, easier to handle but as violent, when he was "this" (putting my hands to my knees) small.

But the vacation had to end and I scurried back to LV to continue on my selfish journey of self-fulfillment. In a seemingly uneventful day/night of recovering from my jetlag, I decided to attend a birthday party and was amusingly harassed by a drunken guy armed with a love for taking our partying pictures and a dorky smile. He is now my bf.

Not too long after celebrating our first Vomitine's day, everything really went downhill. Not about the relationship, but about my dad's health. I jumped on the next plane on an early Monday morning (I will never forget that longest ride of my life) but I was too late.

Regrets—sums up almost everything and anything. I have never cried so much and I really hope I don't have to ever again. The pain of losing the person who selflessly gave you, your life and everything else in between is devastating. Every moment of remembrance brings about this sinking sour, tight squeeze in my heart that will now live on with me. Floods of emotions poured out even more as my nephew was born right when the funeral ended exactly 7 days later, exactly my birthday.

It is still tough trying to comprehend what had just happened. But out of all, I guess I was the luckiest one. To be able to fly away and treat it all like a dream, while I left my mom, my brothers, my SIL, my nephew, my uncles and aunties and everyone else behind to mourn and pick up the pieces themselves. I could lie and say nothing happened. I could still tell myself that everything is alright. What I don't see, I don't know or cannot remember. I did not take that trip back home and I did not just said my last goodbyes. I did not see my mom and my brothers cry nor did I just hear their hearts break. And I certainly had not see my dad for the very last time.

(To be continued...... I was writing this on a very slow day at work. Started to be kinda depressed and teary. Got interrupted by a phone call from bf whose rushing me to go home for lunch. So off I go, and I'll be back. sigh.)

p.s. Have a very merry Christmas y'all! I'll be having a quiet weekend, catching up with life :)

A Collaboration Born in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

Why do they always make only the Men's collection but not for women too? ARGH. All they have is ONE pair of shoes for women. ONE!

Women's Game Mid Princess Leia

I like this comic tee too.
Will force bf to look like a hipster with this too.

Something's baking in the oven!

Spent the entire evening preparing two batchs of cookies for the annual holiday cookie exchange thingy at work. This year I organized it, so the organizer has to go all out to impress. Well, within my reach.....

Got the recipe for Cowboy Cookies. Seem to be pretty good with oatmeal, pecan, coconut and chunks of chocolate....sounds a lot eh? It is. Towards the end it was hard to mix coz of the chunkiness. Nevertheless they turned out great.

And I had to do two batch, one without nuts, so I appropriately renamed them Cowgirl Cookies. wahahahaha. I thought I was pretty smart and funny to think of that.

For one, I know my packaging is already kicking some ass. With the help of Martha (again, recipe and labels), I created these custom labels in holiday colors. So happy with the end result.

Oh, the msot important thing is that the cookies tasted really great too!!!!

Will post again after tomorrow's exchange!

this little bugger....looks too cute.

Sparky & Ashley

Current Obssession #9

William Sonoma's Sandwich Cookie Cake Pans with Chocolate Sandwich Cookie Cake Mix