Letting it out (Part I)

So it's the end of the year and time for the cheesey end-of-year reflection post. BTW, thanks for sticking by despite the lack of updates. Read on and you'll see why.

The year begun with a huge BANG. I was in Singapore and had an awesome beautiful night with my dearest family. We got a nice little room up in the skies of the Pan Pacific Hotel that provided us with a magnificent view of the fireworks display. Everyone of us together, to welcome a new year, with new hopes and celebrate my little pig brother's entry into adulthood. OMG! He was so much cuter, easier to handle but as violent, when he was "this" (putting my hands to my knees) small.

But the vacation had to end and I scurried back to LV to continue on my selfish journey of self-fulfillment. In a seemingly uneventful day/night of recovering from my jetlag, I decided to attend a birthday party and was amusingly harassed by a drunken guy armed with a love for taking our partying pictures and a dorky smile. He is now my bf.

Not too long after celebrating our first Vomitine's day, everything really went downhill. Not about the relationship, but about my dad's health. I jumped on the next plane on an early Monday morning (I will never forget that longest ride of my life) but I was too late.

Regrets—sums up almost everything and anything. I have never cried so much and I really hope I don't have to ever again. The pain of losing the person who selflessly gave you, your life and everything else in between is devastating. Every moment of remembrance brings about this sinking sour, tight squeeze in my heart that will now live on with me. Floods of emotions poured out even more as my nephew was born right when the funeral ended exactly 7 days later, exactly my birthday.

It is still tough trying to comprehend what had just happened. But out of all, I guess I was the luckiest one. To be able to fly away and treat it all like a dream, while I left my mom, my brothers, my SIL, my nephew, my uncles and aunties and everyone else behind to mourn and pick up the pieces themselves. I could lie and say nothing happened. I could still tell myself that everything is alright. What I don't see, I don't know or cannot remember. I did not take that trip back home and I did not just said my last goodbyes. I did not see my mom and my brothers cry nor did I just hear their hearts break. And I certainly had not see my dad for the very last time.

(To be continued...... I was writing this on a very slow day at work. Started to be kinda depressed and teary. Got interrupted by a phone call from bf whose rushing me to go home for lunch. So off I go, and I'll be back. sigh.)

p.s. Have a very merry Christmas y'all! I'll be having a quiet weekend, catching up with life :)