If you haven't realised......

We went to San Diego Comic Con this year!!!

And sorry no, I didn't sit in on any panels or special talks because I'm not a big comic fan so it was just a free and easy trip. Comics are great, unfortch, I'm not into any right now. But maybe I will soon.....

Took some great pictures. It's like Halloween or something. Check them out.

The Agnes SO-Fluffy-I-can-die Unicorn.

R2D2!

And the coolest picture of the century...............

I know. My mouth is opened way to wide but that's how buck tooth I am. It's still an awesome pic.

Tickets for next year is gonna be on sale soon. You should get yours. The next one I wanna go is prolly Anime Con. I heard there is one in Vegas!

And before I forget. We also got to see the ocean! At last!

At Pacific Beach in San Diego

And look at the 'Monkey' I found at the beach...

we're so lucky to have sparky...

He is one of the sweetest dog I ever know. I don't know how we end up so lucky with our first adoption, but we did.

He makes me forget that I had a crappy day at work.

He makes me feel that I'm important.

He doesn't judge me.

And all he wants is cuddle-time, on the couch, in front of the TV every night.

The last day

Yesterday was the church mass. The last time I was at that church was Christmas Day, where we came to attend the mass and mainly, listen to L's singing. She's the leader of the choir.

But yesterday, she sang the hardest song of her life. It is a Filipino song about a mother, having to send her child off from this world. It brought everyone to tears. It was most beautiful—her angelic voice, her selfless love.

This morning was the burial. We stood under the gleaming sun as the white little casket shined brightly. L & J, especially L, broke down uncontrollably as they lowered her little angel six feet under. We took turns to toss in blooming white roses as we said goodbye.

Around her resting spot lies dozens of other little angels. We hope that they are happily playing up there, free from the pain and sorrows of this world, in the embrace of their loving gods.

heavy heavy heart

I dropped by Little R's viewing today during an extended lunch period. Totally clueless about Catholic funeral processions, I realize today's viewing is hosted at a mortuary, in a simple elegant room with the open casket.

Upon arrival, we sat with L and I was trying really hard to not cry. But I eventually did and it was messed up to have her comfort me a little instead of the other way round. We sat in silence because, really, what do you say in a situation like this? This is the time when being there is all that's needed.

When the rest of her family arrived, we left to return to work. But not before we went to the front of the casket to take one last look and say a goodbye prayer. Little R looks like a doll in her crisp white dress. This is also the first time I saw her in person as she has been staying at the hospital since her birth. It's so unreal. She look just like a baby, sleeping soundly in the 'bassinet' with us looking at her.

Tomorrow is the church mass and Sunday will be the burial which I realized L & J would love us to be there and so we will.

I really don't want to have to attend another baby's funeral.

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It's funny how I was so hung up with insecurities of work one second and then the grief was so strong that it swept away everything else that shouldn't have mattered.

When I got back to my desk, I suddenly developed some really bad allergies that made things worse. But I kinda had an epiphany about work. I wasn't insecure anymore. I forgot to mention that I actually went to the viewing with another colleague. And while in the car, we had a good revealing talk that reassured many questions in my head. He didn't have to tell me too much. The most important thing he made me realize is that everyday, I work hard and diligently, doing my best. If I am put in a situation where I cannot control the whirlwind around me, let it be. Right?

Life is crazy / Gone too soon

I'm combining 2 posts into 1.

I have not blogged for a while coz' I was busy. Last Friday, I hosted a Game Night at our place for my department at work and it was spectacular. I didn't take any photos but it was awesome. Inviting work colleagues into your home can be tricky. I usually hate to mix work and personal. But everyone have took turns to host either Poker Night or Game Night so I had too.

Plus our new boss just started. This Monday. I'm a religious reader of my horoscope on astrologyzone.com and with her fore-warnings of the solar eclipse that just happened on the 11th July, I had a weird feeling. This new boss would make or break it. He'll be the fourth Director I've experience in this position in this agency. They usually say 3rd is the charm, but my 3rd boss voluntarily stepped down and is now under the mercy of the new one. Whether he stays or leaves, no one but Boss No. 4 will know.

So the week began okay until the past two days when he repeatedly ask me to make changes on one particular project. Then, Big Boss hated another project. So everything went off balance and stress escalates. Then I realize it might just be politics. Then I was needed on the project anymore coz new guy got his peep to take care of it outside the agency. WTF. You guys probably cannot understand what I am saying but it's ok, I feel better ranting already.

We'll see what other shit can happen. Hopefully I won't be fired soon. I have been seeing signs of change around me. it's kinda creepy.

There are also some other bad shit that's happening. Like the BF getting traffic tickets served to him left and right after holding a clean record for more than a decade. When they come, they come in shit loads.

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My first friends in LV—this couple L & J were nothing but great friends to me. They treated me like family when I had no one.

6 months ago, L was just 4 months pregnant when she had to go under emergency C-section to deliver the baby. L was fine but the baby stayed in critical condition since Day 1. Little R fought, struggled, resisted all odds to live another day after another day.

Sad to say, little R breathed her last breath last Saturday. A day after I just met up with L & J who were actually optimistic about Little R being able to discharge from the hospital. 

Sigh.

This weekend, we'll attend Little R's wake and burial. I don't know if I can hold myself together. I bet I'll break down. It's about time to.

Why Intelligent People Fail

(stolen from Cowboy, original article here)

Before you come to the conclusion yourself—At least I am intelligent enough to know that I am intelligent, yet a failure. Le Sigh~

Content from Sternberg, R. (1994). In search of the human mind. New York: Harcourt Brace.

1. Lack of motivation. A talent is irrelevant if a person is not motivated to use it. Motivation may be external (for example, social approval) or internal (satisfaction from a job well-done, for instance). External sources tend to be transient, while internal sources tend to produce more consistent performance.

2. Lack of impulse control. Habitual impulsiveness gets in the way of optimal performance. Some people do not bring their full intellectual resources to bear on a problem but go with the first solution that pops into their heads.

3. Lack of perserverance and perseveration. Some people give up too easily, while others are unable to stop even when the quest will clearly be fruitless.

4. Using the wrong abilities. People may not be using the right abilities for the tasks in which they are engaged.

5. Inability to translate thought into action. Some people seem buried in thought. They have good ideas but rarely seem able to do anything about them.

6. Lack of product orientation. Some people seem more concerned about the process than the result of activity.

7. Inability to complete tasks. For some people nothing ever draws to a close. Perhaps it’s fear of what they would do next or fear of becoming hopelessly enmeshed in detail.

8. Failure to initiate. Still others are unwilling or unable to initiate a project. It may be indecision or fear of commitment.

9. Fear of failure. People may not reach peak performance because they avoid the really important challenges in life.

10. Procrastination. Some people are unable to act without pressure. They may also look for little things to do in order to put off the big ones.

11. Misattribution of blame. Some people always blame themselves for even the slightest mishap. Some always blame others.

12. Excessive self-pity. Some people spend more time feeling sorry for themselves than expending the effort necessary to overcome the problem.

13. Excessive dependency. Some people expect others to do for them what they ought to be doing themselves.

14. Wallowing in personal difficulties. Some people let their personal difficulties interfere grossly with their work. During the course of life, one can expect some real joys and some real sorrows. Maintaining a proper perspective is often difficult.

15. Distractibility and lack of concentration. Even some very intelligent people have very short attention spans.

16. Spreading oneself too think or too thick. Undertaking too many activities may result in none being completed on time. Undertaking too few can also result in missed opportunities and reduced levels of accomplishment.

17. Inability to delay gratification. Some people reward themselves and are rewarded by others for finishing small tasks, while avoiding bigger tasks that would earn them larger rewards.

18. Inability to see the forest for the trees. Some people become obsessed with details and are either unwilling or unable to see or deal with the larger picture in the projects they undertake.

19. Lack of balance between critical, analytical thinking and creative, synthetic thinking. It is important for people to learn what kind of thinking is expected of them in each situation.

20. Too little or too much self-confidence. Lack of self-confidence can gnaw away at a person’s ability to get things done and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, individuals with too much self-confidence may not know when to admit they are wrong or in need of self-improvement.