Do you know what I want? All I want is to be happy…

And that is the goddamn most difficult thing ever to achieve these days. I know I know, I whine and bitch toooooooo much about how LIFE is unfair to me. You’re sick of hearing how unhappy I am though I am having a full-time job, have a nice family that loves me and loads of support from sincere friends. Yeah, while I type this I realize I AM A SPOILT PIECE OF BEING.

I can’t help it. You will never understand. I have so many dark secrets inside and that it is consuming me more than I thought I can handle. It is not good to keep secrets. But I think that the last thing I need is to hurt more people who cares. So I rather suffer in silence and there you go, I bitch about things people will not understand. Ha, and I don’t expect you to agree with everything I say anyways.

I feel like my life is half over. I guess I am a half-empty glass of beer than a half-full person. I think I need to get my shit together so I can LIVE for what’s left of it than to wallow in self-pity.

Work has to do with part of what I feel now. Coz people are leaving my agency left and right and I just feel sad to see all the people who made this place so glorious leave. When I started I was full of hopes, and a tiny bit of hope leaves with each respected person’s departure.

I am a little tipsy now as I just got back from a double farewell party. Double blow for sure. Two of my favorite colleagues. And there isn’t any much more left. Sighz.

Meanwhile I contracted a whole bunch of freelance job to keep my mind from feeling depressed. I took whatever that came in my way. I am not going to have too much sleep this weekend. Well, I am not having much sleep nowadays anyways. It is sad that I don’t get to do my favorite pastime and I actually need sleeping aids. Sad. So sad.

Ah, I am such a whiner.

Another thing on my mind is this so-called relationship. I totally don’t understand men, and I think I never will. It is just too much work. All I want is to be happy with him and it seems more like a task than something to look forward to. Why is it so hard to be happy? Singlehood suits me I think - at least I don’t worry for another whiny bitch other than myself. Though I have to admit I was happy earlier on, but HA! Good things don’t last, coz they don’t like to spoil you up there.

Okay, I am going to attack my cuppa noodles. Yes, this is sad. But I am trying to save so that I can pay for that new Adidas jacket that I’ve just ordered. Nothing is free.