I always believe that no one can help me unless I help myself.

I dunnoe why I keep fucking up my own life. And the worst thing is I have no one to blame.

I went to LA this weekend. It wasn’t as perfect that I hope it will be. I dunnoe why I have having such short temper. And when I get mad or irritated, the very Asian-submissive-girlie side of me doesn’t usually say anything. That is when I am truly mad though. I tend to walk away/ignore/suppress the negativity. Then I turn quiet, moody, (was called) grouchy, PMS-y, worrier and did I mention moody? I regret all of them. I hate it when I turn temperamental, but I really cannot help myself.

Most of you may think that I am usually pretty optimistic, so now this is my exposé. I do quite a good job hiding inside.

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I just got out of a long bath/shower. What could be more efficient than soaking in a hot tub of Channel No. 5 milk bath and a good book? (Currently reading “Middlesex” by Jeffrey Eugenides. Contents are too provocative. Will blog abt it when I am done.)

While I was doing some personal reflection upon my trip down to LA the past weekend, I got a giggle or two. Despite it being not-so-wonderful, I still gotta admit that I feel grateful for the whole trip and for the ppl who made it happen. (erm..kinda…maybe a little…I dunnoe.)

I always believe that no one can help me unless I help myself.

Then again, I remember the shittiest thing. My digital camera was STOLEN from my baggage AFTER I checked it in. Oddly, the camera case was left behind. I SWEAR ON PUPPY’S LIFE THAT IT WAS INTACT, IN THE BAGAAGE AND THERE WAS EVIDENCE THAT MY BAGGAGE WAS OPEN FOR “INSPECTION”. Legal or not, it is a blur line. We don’t really know the security aspects for the baggage claims anymore. Nowadays airlines are so “frantic” about ppl bringing harmful/dangerous items into the planes that they check everything. No one can assure that privacy when they fly.

Yes, I believe I was robbed in broad daylight upon the very conviction for a more secured environment.

People have learnt to take advantage of such situations.

WAKE UP AMERICA!

The terrorists have already won. They have successfully instilled the sense of insecurity in this country that makes us live in fear constantly. Believe it or not.

I don’t normally make political statements coz I think politics is ultimately a business of moneymaking anyways. But today. I will. Because I think it is dumb.

All the warring and killing done now is just a revenge, or an act, or a costly act of revenge done to put a blind for the common citizens to “prove” that the govt is doing something.

I have just marked my five years of living in this country. It was the quickest and longest five years of my life. And I still cannot truly answer the question why I chose to come to this country. Because I don’t know. It was rather random.